I don't really know how to start this, but, I don't really care about it anymore, everyone I used to care about hiding it from already knows, and I have lost about 99% of my will to live, I've lost the care I used to have about what people thought of me, even though it wasn't that much of a big deal, I never used to care alot, but now, I don't care at all, a new feeling for me, never been able to say that, and not caring is a wonderful feeling, but from my experience, it only comes after something so bad has happened to you, you can't care, you have lost the ability to care. But onto the topic, the reason why I have lost my ability to care. Let's start at the very beginning, shall we? A very nice place to start. It all started 218 days ago, on the 4th of March, and still counting, I saw someone from a distance, I had no idea what their name was, who they were, they were wearing their sports uniform, and so I didn't know what school they went to. Upon asking someone, I found out, that her name was A and then also, the fact that she was sitting next toG (one of my best friends) was because they were going out. Upon learning this news, I put the thoughts I had in my head away, and resolved to not think them again, as that was just wrong. But it didn't help when I saw her the next week too, as those thoughts kept stealing back into my head, uninvited, and although I put up a valiant fight, they won, and refused to leave. I spoke to her briefly that day, although, that was also the day that G announced the news to everyone, that his father had been relocated to work on a job in Canada, and he had to move back, as of the 16th of April, leaving us with little more than a month to see him. That night I was devastated, I might not see him for another 3 years, if that. But, those thoughts still wouldn't leave me, and now, a completely new one was pushing it's way forward into my thinking, I tried to unthink it, but, alas, my brain wouldn't have any of it, it was so wrong, and i felt so guilty, as most of the time I was thinking to myself, albeit unwillingly, that G was gone, A was single. I couldn't believe my brain. I saw her more and more, every time, I was more excited than the last, I thought about her every single day, I have thought about her everyday since, I spoke to her more, we became amazing friends, I noticed more and more, I fell in love with her little traits, her voice, the way she spoke, her smile, everything about he. They say love is blind, they were right, I spent time arguing with myself, saying this is not right, asking myself what I saw in her, and every time I asked these questions, I had an answer, and so, finally, after about the first two months, I gave up trying to forget about her in that sense, (as we were now great friends) and began to embrace it, i kept it a secret though, I don't think she ever suspected up until a week or two before I told her. For seven months, we talked everyday, I had a little hope that one day maybe things might go my way, for once in my life. During these seven months, I was distracted as buggery. I used to get straight A's, I was now getting B's and C's. For the first time I failed subjects, I dropped out of Chemistry. Of course people began to notice, first of all my teachers, who then, concerned, booked me counselling sessions, which were of no use whatsoever. This was all because I couldn't think about anything else. But her. If you still don't understand how I was feeling, This might make it easier: I was Snape, she was Lily. It was that simple, but oh so complicated. I had one friend to help me through all this, and a few who didn't quite understand how I felt, and I am sure without him, I would have died. Thank you William, I couldn't have survived without you.  And so, on the night of the Monday the third of October, things happened. I was fed up with eights months of bottled up things I wanted to say to her, I was so ready to explode, and when she texted me: "I have something to tell you" I finally snapped and said I have something to tell you too. Her thing, upon me asking was: "It's about Harry". To which I responded by going to have a bath, and sitting in shock for half an hour, only moving when the water got up to my nose and I started spluttering. They had started going out. She then, after me not replying, (the whole time I was thinking why did this have to happen over text? Like, a phone call even?) She says: "what was your thing??" To which I sat contemplating how to reply, and I said: "I am Snape, have a guess who you are?" to which she replied that she knew what I was getting at now. I can't be bothered writing anymore, but i'm sure you all get the idea. Goodbye.