I don't really know how to start this, but, I don't really care about it anymore, everyone I used to care about hiding it from already knows, and I have lost about 99% of my will to live, I've lost the care I used to have about what people thought of me, even though it wasn't that much of a big deal, I never used to care alot, but now, I don't care at all, a new feeling for me, never been able to say that, and not caring is a wonderful feeling, but from my experience, it only comes after something so bad has happened to you, you can't care, you have lost the ability to care. But onto the topic, the reason why I have lost my ability to care. Let's start at the very beginning, shall we? A very nice place to start. It all started 218 days ago, on the 4th of March, and still counting, I saw someone from a distance, I had no idea what their name was, who they were, they were wearing their sports uniform, and so I didn't know what school they went to. Upon asking someone, I found out, that her name was A and then also, the fact that she was sitting next toG (one of my best friends) was because they were going out. Upon learning this news, I put the thoughts I had in my head away, and resolved to not think them again, as that was just wrong. But it didn't help when I saw her the next week too, as those thoughts kept stealing back into my head, uninvited, and although I put up a valiant fight, they won, and refused to leave. I spoke to her briefly that day, although, that was also the day that G announced the news to everyone, that his father had been relocated to work on a job in Canada, and he had to move back, as of the 16th of April, leaving us with little more than a month to see him. That night I was devastated, I might not see him for another 3 years, if that. But, those thoughts still wouldn't leave me, and now, a completely new one was pushing it's way forward into my thinking, I tried to unthink it, but, alas, my brain wouldn't have any of it, it was so wrong, and i felt so guilty, as most of the time I was thinking to myself, albeit unwillingly, that G was gone, A was single. I couldn't believe my brain. I saw her more and more, every time, I was more excited than the last, I thought about her every single day, I have thought about her everyday since, I spoke to her more, we became amazing friends, I noticed more and more, I fell in love with her little traits, her voice, the way she spoke, her smile, everything about he. They say love is blind, they were right, I spent time arguing with myself, saying this is not right, asking myself what I saw in her, and every time I asked these questions, I had an answer, and so, finally, after about the first two months, I gave up trying to forget about her in that sense, (as we were now great friends) and began to embrace it, i kept it a secret though, I don't think she ever suspected up until a week or two before I told her. For seven months, we talked everyday, I had a little hope that one day maybe things might go my way, for once in my life. During these seven months, I was distracted as buggery. I used to get straight A's, I was now getting B's and C's. For the first time I failed subjects, I dropped out of Chemistry. Of course people began to notice, first of all my teachers, who then, concerned, booked me counselling sessions, which were of no use whatsoever. This was all because I couldn't think about anything else. But her. If you still don't understand how I was feeling, This might make it easier: I was Snape, she was Lily. It was that simple, but oh so complicated. I had one friend to help me through all this, and a few who didn't quite understand how I felt, and I am sure without him, I would have died. Thank you William, I couldn't have survived without you.  And so, on the night of the Monday the third of October, things happened. I was fed up with eights months of bottled up things I wanted to say to her, I was so ready to explode, and when she texted me: "I have something to tell you" I finally snapped and said I have something to tell you too. Her thing, upon me asking was: "It's about Harry". To which I responded by going to have a bath, and sitting in shock for half an hour, only moving when the water got up to my nose and I started spluttering. They had started going out. She then, after me not replying, (the whole time I was thinking why did this have to happen over text? Like, a phone call even?) She says: "what was your thing??" To which I sat contemplating how to reply, and I said: "I am Snape, have a guess who you are?" to which she replied that she knew what I was getting at now. I can't be bothered writing anymore, but i'm sure you all get the idea. Goodbye.

Woot

Just learnt the bass line to Day Tripper by The Beatles, god I love them.

It's been 185 days.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8UVNT4wvIGY

More about my awesomeness

Ok. Well. I'll just go straight out with it. I am not autistic or anything, but I really REALLY dislike hanging out in a crowd of people exceeding myself and two others. And even two is uncomfortable if I am not close with one of the two. It doesn't apply to parties or big events, but just on an average weekend, more than 2 is too many. I much prefer being with few people because then I can really relax, and don't have to be thinking about everyone else the whole time. And my perfect idea of hanging out is just me and one other person, it's so much more relaxing. Like omg. Just thought I'd share with my avid readers.

This is perfect

The Hacker Manifesto

by
+++The Mentor+++
Written January 8, 1986

Another one got caught today, it's all over the papers. "Teenager Arrested in Computer Crime Scandal", "Hacker Arrested after Bank Tampering"...

Damn kids. They're all alike.

But did you, in your three-piece psychology and 1950's technobrain, ever take a look behind the eyes of the hacker? Did you ever wonder what made him tick, what forces shaped him, what may have molded him?

I am a hacker, enter my world...

Mine is a world that begins with school... I'm smarter than most of the other kids, this crap they teach us bores me...

Damn underachiever. They're all alike.

I'm in junior high or high school. I've listened to teachers explain for the fifteenth time how to reduce a fraction. I understand it. "No, Ms. Smith, I didn't show my work. I did it in my head..."

Damn kid. Probably copied it. They're all alike.

I made a discovery today. I found a computer. Wait a second, this is cool. It does what I want it to. If it makes a mistake, it's because I screwed it up. Not because it doesn't like me... Or feels threatened by me.. Or thinks I'm a smart ass.. Or doesn't like teaching and shouldn't be here...

Damn kid. All he does is play games. They're all alike.

And then it happened... a door opened to a world... rushing through the phone line like heroin through an addict's veins, an electronic pulse is sent out, a refuge from the day-to-day incompetencies is sought... a board is found. "This is it... this is where I belong..." I know everyone here... even if I've never met them, never talked to them, may never hear from them again... I know you all...

Damn kid. Tying up the phone line again. They're all alike...

You bet your ass we're all alike... we've been spoon-fed baby food at school when we hungered for steak... the bits of meat that you did let slip through were pre-chewed and tasteless. We've been dominated by sadists, or ignored by the apathetic. The few that had something to teach found us willing pupils, but those few are like drops of water in the desert.

This is our world now... the world of the electron and the switch, the beauty of the baud. We make use of a service already existing without paying for what could be dirt-cheap if it wasn't run by profiteering gluttons, and you call us criminals. We explore... and you call us criminals. We seek after knowledge... and you call us criminals. We exist without skin color, without nationality, without religious bias... and you call us criminals. You build atomic bombs, you wage wars, you murder, cheat, and lie to us and try to make us believe it's for our own good, yet we're the criminals.

Yes, I am a criminal. My crime is that of curiosity. My crime is that of judging people by what they say and think, not what they look like. My crime is that of outsmarting you, something that you will never forgive me for.

I am a hacker, and this is my manifesto. You may stop this individual, but you can't stop us all... after all, we're all alike.

Myself

Dear avid readers (no one) I have a confession, out of all the characters in Harry Potter, my favourite thing in the entire world, I am a cross of the two most opposite characters in the book. I am half Severus Snape half Sirius Black. That is perfect.

You

You are the only person I want to talk to.

William Briskey, on the guitar. WOW

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S0dujw9Q2Q4&feature=channel_video_title Yeah what? I'm going to this kids show. I am also band manager, well, self appointed at least.

Keith Moon, The Who

In one incident between Keith Moon and hotel management Moon was asked to turn down his cassette player because The Who were making "too much noise." In response, he asked the manager to his room, lit a stick of dynamite in the toilet and shut the bathroom door. After the explosion, Moon informed the startled manager, "That, dear boy, was noise." Moon then turned the cassette player back on and said "This is The Who"

My Brain Again

I think I am slowly loosing my mind. I have no idea what the cause is but i think I can narrow it down to a few things. But first, let me share the symptoms with my non existent readers. I find myself ignorant and unknowing when it comes to how to act around my best friends. I have no idea why, but I don't what I am doing when around one of my best friends, Miss Alexandra Gilley, and I just want my brain to stop being a fuck up. I think I have played it off well enough and I don't think many people have noticed, but I am talking to people less and less and becoming something of a recluse, something foreign to me as I normally don't know when to stop talking and when enough is enough. A new experience if I ever had one. I really need to sort things out and I hope this is over soon, but alas, Garrett is gone, as is Haasy, and well, Hugh isn't much of a great confidant. WHY DO ME AND MY BRAIN HAVE TO DISAGREE!!